Oh, me of little faith.

We did it. We jumped in. A huge step toward our move was selling our small family business. I’ll spare you the number crunching, but basically we took a loss. We still owe on the business and didn’t break even. We did however spend an evening at the kitchen table figuring out how we could sell everything we own to make up for it. 

And we figured it out. So it’s done and now we are in Mexico for a month. Right now Jeremy is in one place (Tijuana where our missionary life first began!) and I’m at Open Arms. This has not been easy. Yesterday….well, it sucked! Like went to bed with a headache, sucked! 
I woke up this morning and my first thought was, “His mercies are new every morning…THANK GOD!!” And then I got a text that said the very same thing. God really is good and cares about the fact I almost had a nervous breakdown because of keys. 

  
As I was drive to a place I had never been to pick up kids who barley know me for Open Arms, I was talking to the Lord about yesterday and {begging} asking for mercy for today (I was already on this morning) and realized what is happening! I have been on auto pilot. 

Everything in my life is easy to do (not situations or sometimes the circumstances) but what to do about them and the things I do in ministry every day, autopilot. I just didn’t realize it until my auto pilot no longer applied and I was steering all on my own (yesterday was a disaster people!!). I realized that I have been running on my own strength for a long time. Not out of choosing pride but out of getting caught up in the daily routine and knowing what was coming next and exactly how I would handle it. Yesterday was the end of all that.

I couldn’t do anything right on my own yesterday and I saw that my autopilot was me! That really doesn’t work out well when you are doing things you have never done, going places you have never been and have a language barrier. Did I mention I almost had a nervous breakdown?! Ya. 

  

Despite all that happened, it feels good…I need God. Like, really need Him. And maybe I haven’t been operating like that for a time. But the not knowing, being clueless, and flailing feels good today because I’m not on autopilot! I’m all snuggled into the arms of the Lord today and it doesn’t matter if I don’t know or I end up looking like an idiot in the process because I’m right where I need to be: in the Shadow of His wings!

I’m breathing easier, feeling better and enjoying the chaos, the unknown today! Pray for me, who knows what tomorrow will bring! The only thing I know is His mercies really are new every morning!!!

  

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